I think I'm gonna be sick...
At some point I realized that some of the things I say seem pretty asenine to some people. It's crazy because when I started doing this thing, I wanted everyone to read it. I called and told everyone that I had this blog and I invited everyone, including my counterpart's parents to come read. I didn't think they'd take it seriously and it is my fault for talking about my husband's balls where everyone on this green earth could read about it.
So do I apologize or even attempt to clean up my blog? Nope. I ran away. We called his brother and had him erase all of the links on his parent's computer and the result is this now, very new-feeling home. I am wanting very badly to laugh about this and say its no big deal, but it kind of is.
Someone told me at one point that I shouldn't do this if I didn't want everyone to read it. I've always disagreed with that. While I invite everyone to read what I write, there are some people that I don't want to see these parts of me. It's like walking in on your parents having sex. No one wants to see that. Your parents having a fight. Don't want to hear it. Your mom smoking one night when she gets drunk. Kind of makes you sick to your stomach.
All of this is my oneryness, it's my anger, it's my drunken moments, my embarassing moments, my sordid past, and it's small pieces of my boring life. I don't know that everyone does get invited to this party. I don't know that everyone wants to be here. There's a special and raw/naive/childish/immature/artistic/gothic/tragic/cynnical/bitchy part that the fam can't really be a part of. It's my bad, but now, when I think about what they've seen, I feel shame. They think that it's embarrasing, but largely funny. To me, I feel like the 7 year old that got caught with my pants down exploring myself for the first time.
I don't know if I'm upset or just pissed that I'm having to start a new blog all over. Ironically, it's my "21st" post. And I feel emotionally hung over, like I've been doing shots of embarassment all damn day. Here's to hoping the akwardness goes away soon. Gulp. C'mon, you know that you've been caught doing something embarassing that you got busted for. (In two months, after I tell you what tickets to hell #'s 3-6 are, I will conclude by telling you that ticket to hell #7 is talking about your in-laws' son's balls on the internet.)
So do I apologize or even attempt to clean up my blog? Nope. I ran away. We called his brother and had him erase all of the links on his parent's computer and the result is this now, very new-feeling home. I am wanting very badly to laugh about this and say its no big deal, but it kind of is.
Someone told me at one point that I shouldn't do this if I didn't want everyone to read it. I've always disagreed with that. While I invite everyone to read what I write, there are some people that I don't want to see these parts of me. It's like walking in on your parents having sex. No one wants to see that. Your parents having a fight. Don't want to hear it. Your mom smoking one night when she gets drunk. Kind of makes you sick to your stomach.
All of this is my oneryness, it's my anger, it's my drunken moments, my embarassing moments, my sordid past, and it's small pieces of my boring life. I don't know that everyone does get invited to this party. I don't know that everyone wants to be here. There's a special and raw/naive/childish/immature/artistic/gothic/tragic/cynnical/bitchy part that the fam can't really be a part of. It's my bad, but now, when I think about what they've seen, I feel shame. They think that it's embarrasing, but largely funny. To me, I feel like the 7 year old that got caught with my pants down exploring myself for the first time.
I don't know if I'm upset or just pissed that I'm having to start a new blog all over. Ironically, it's my "21st" post. And I feel emotionally hung over, like I've been doing shots of embarassment all damn day. Here's to hoping the akwardness goes away soon. Gulp. C'mon, you know that you've been caught doing something embarassing that you got busted for. (In two months, after I tell you what tickets to hell #'s 3-6 are, I will conclude by telling you that ticket to hell #7 is talking about your in-laws' son's balls on the internet.)
posted by Unequivocal_Prowess at 7:00 PM
4 Comments:
Not an uncommon problem at all. If this is the least embarrassing thing that happens to you, you'll be okay.
Which may actually be bad news . . . :)
Ah, there you are! I was wondering where you'd disappeared to when I tried to check this morning.
Thanks for the update, and, hey, we've all had to take shots of embarrassment at some point. You'll be ok. =)
Embarassment shots go down better with a stupidity chaser.
Trust me, I'm a professional...
Thanks for the post, and antique-esse I would love to see your blog sometime, let me know what it is, and I'll stop by!
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