Around The World...
In something like 5 days...
My little adventure started out in Oklahoma City. I travelled for 4 hours last night to a small town in Kansas that is 50 miles North and West of B.F.E. I was there to pick up my Grandmother so that we could begin our journey. We took time to catch up and I got to see my former home town. I spent the first 9 years of my life in Herington, and I usually enjoy going home. I think I still enjoyed being there, however what was bad is that I had to go to bed last night at 11:00p.m. only to wake up at 2:30a.m. to drive 90 miles back to Wichita to catch a flight to L.A. with my Grandmother which was supposed to depart at 6:30a.m.
THE AIRPORT TREATED ME LIKE A TERRORIST. As soon as I walked in, I proceeded to do what any other person would do when going through security, and I took my shoes off. I set them in the gray bin and the security guard man, I'll call him GRUMPY MCGUMP PANTS threw my shoes onto the floor. "You don't need to do that, put your shoes on." Sorry, my fucking bad for not knowing that now it was a ridiculous idea to take off my shoes in an airport. I wish someone would have sent that memo out months ago or at least sent it to EVERY OTHER AIRPORT in the world to let them know that apparently Wichita has it figured out. They know there won't be another shoe bomber. On the lighter situation, however, they weren't so sure. I was keeping my grandmother's purse in my bag and she had a lighter in her purse. They pulled me and the bag over. GUMPY MCGRUMP PANTS asks, "Is there a lighter in this bag?"
"Yeah, probably." I reach for my bag to pull it out. My hand is knocked away and he tells me "not to ever touch a bag when it is being searched." I felt so much anger that I was pretty sure that I might start yelling "bomb" or "allah" or "down with brown" anything to incite him to want to arrest me. I am starting to get airport rage. Especially, after working on about 3 hours of sleep, you have to sit behind the crying kids on the way to Denver and in front of the sonofabitch who keeps frantically typing on his laptop and punching his fingers into the keys like his fingers are fashioned out of stone. Each time he does it the chair vibrates. At some point I flirt with the idea of turning around and speaking the truth, which is that if he did that for one more mother-loving minute, I was going to puke from the seat vibrating. And if I was going to puke, then by god, I was going to puke all over the perpetrator of this airplane crime. I had to do some serious impulse buying to get some new shirts and a skirt in order to compensate for my plane rage. Don't worry, it was all on sale and I only spent $50 for 3 t-shirts, another pair of flip-flops, a blouse and a skirt.
Well, now I'm here. And tomorrow morning we will leave Los Angeles and head to Palm Springs. The traffic situation on the road had better be better than the situation on the plane, otherwise I am likely to bankrupt my account having to go on shopping sprees rather than killing sprees to displace my energy. I am hoping to catch a glimpse of Angry Dissenter sometime before I leave home, but we'll see how lucky I am...I'll keep you posted on this little adventure.
My little adventure started out in Oklahoma City. I travelled for 4 hours last night to a small town in Kansas that is 50 miles North and West of B.F.E. I was there to pick up my Grandmother so that we could begin our journey. We took time to catch up and I got to see my former home town. I spent the first 9 years of my life in Herington, and I usually enjoy going home. I think I still enjoyed being there, however what was bad is that I had to go to bed last night at 11:00p.m. only to wake up at 2:30a.m. to drive 90 miles back to Wichita to catch a flight to L.A. with my Grandmother which was supposed to depart at 6:30a.m.
THE AIRPORT TREATED ME LIKE A TERRORIST. As soon as I walked in, I proceeded to do what any other person would do when going through security, and I took my shoes off. I set them in the gray bin and the security guard man, I'll call him GRUMPY MCGUMP PANTS threw my shoes onto the floor. "You don't need to do that, put your shoes on." Sorry, my fucking bad for not knowing that now it was a ridiculous idea to take off my shoes in an airport. I wish someone would have sent that memo out months ago or at least sent it to EVERY OTHER AIRPORT in the world to let them know that apparently Wichita has it figured out. They know there won't be another shoe bomber. On the lighter situation, however, they weren't so sure. I was keeping my grandmother's purse in my bag and she had a lighter in her purse. They pulled me and the bag over. GUMPY MCGRUMP PANTS asks, "Is there a lighter in this bag?"
"Yeah, probably." I reach for my bag to pull it out. My hand is knocked away and he tells me "not to ever touch a bag when it is being searched." I felt so much anger that I was pretty sure that I might start yelling "bomb" or "allah" or "down with brown" anything to incite him to want to arrest me. I am starting to get airport rage. Especially, after working on about 3 hours of sleep, you have to sit behind the crying kids on the way to Denver and in front of the sonofabitch who keeps frantically typing on his laptop and punching his fingers into the keys like his fingers are fashioned out of stone. Each time he does it the chair vibrates. At some point I flirt with the idea of turning around and speaking the truth, which is that if he did that for one more mother-loving minute, I was going to puke from the seat vibrating. And if I was going to puke, then by god, I was going to puke all over the perpetrator of this airplane crime. I had to do some serious impulse buying to get some new shirts and a skirt in order to compensate for my plane rage. Don't worry, it was all on sale and I only spent $50 for 3 t-shirts, another pair of flip-flops, a blouse and a skirt.
Well, now I'm here. And tomorrow morning we will leave Los Angeles and head to Palm Springs. The traffic situation on the road had better be better than the situation on the plane, otherwise I am likely to bankrupt my account having to go on shopping sprees rather than killing sprees to displace my energy. I am hoping to catch a glimpse of Angry Dissenter sometime before I leave home, but we'll see how lucky I am...I'll keep you posted on this little adventure.
posted by Unequivocal_Prowess at 2:51 PM
1 Comments:
How fun. Enjoy your trip!
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