Elephant

There's definitely an elephant in the room.

I don't have anywhere to vent, so it's going to happen here.

This post isn't going to get cheerier.

I'm sick of a whole lot of little things.

More specifically, I'm sick of a whole bunch of my friends.

I accept that I'm a moody person.

I accept that I bitch about people more than once in the course of a friendship with someone.

Do you know what I don't do?

Lie.

Do you know what else I don't do?

I don't exclude.

I give everyone about 47 chances before I get sick of them to the point where I can't stand them.

By all rights, despite my passive/aggressive behavior, I give people 2nd chances.

One of the shitty people I am dealing with right now, I invite along to social events, galas, if you will, just so that person doesn't sit alone. No one really wants her there, but I invite her because I can't image what her life would be just having to live without anyone to care for her. Doing that doesn't make me a saint. I don't like her and I talk shit about her all the time, I'm just saying that it has to get pretty bad before I actually just can't handle someone.

I have never refused to be in the presence of a group because of one person.

I don't have stipulations on what I do or don't want to do in order to "have a good time" I mostly go with the flow.

So why is it, that there seems to be no one out there willing to return the favor? Why is it that I go down my inventory of friends and they are lying, avoiding, manipulating, pouting, or just plain ignoring me right now? Please, whatever you do, don't dignify this post with any comments. None of us know each other well enough to speculate on why my life is shitty, but needless to say the bottom line is this:

I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm flexible, easy going and if I am bitching or pissed it's usually because I'm pissed at someone else, and never usually the people who I consider friends. If I do get angry, I get over it.

I don't expect to be the princess of any event, I don't expect to be the center of everyone's world, although I am a sucker for attention. So why is it that I am sitting alone with my feelings hurt right now?

Why does it seem like the moment that I was married that all of the sudden my friendships have taken on the awkward position that dating once filled?

Why do we have to "plan events" rather than hanging out?

Why do we lie about what we are doing?

Why are we pulling this middle school bullshit of possession, of who hangs out with whom?

Since when did your partner not liking me all of the sudden mean that you don't like me?

Do you think I didn't notice you bitching about me in my own living room?

And worse than all of this, why did EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS choose neurosis during the exact same month?

Did the break up fairy get confused and sprinkle her chaos all over the friendships this month instead of all of the high school teenagers who should be breaking up to have a summer fling right now?

What the fuck man, what the fuck.

Oh, and thanks for stopping by, I enjoyed it, really.