The Fat Bet

I am really sorry. I know that I haven't been doing this at all lately. I must admit that I am the weakest person in the world when it comes to schedule changes. I start acting like Kyle's cousin Kyle in South Park and I am worried about meanial things like hemrroids rather than relaxing and going sleddin'. The start of the year has been strange. First of all, we had to return to school with the same students rather than switching because our semester doesn't end until next week. It's crazy because I've spent alot of time over the break creating new units and lesson plans. Now, when it's time to go back, I have to go back to the same shitheads and try to re-teach them how to tell their heads from their asses. To make matters worse, one of my bosses who I will name the Mega Beast(think Drop Dead Fred + 100 years of life and you will have mentally stumbled upon one of mine enemy) makes the decision to evaluate me the day that we come back from break. Fun times. Let me tell you that if you are ever in aposition of power over someone and you want to be able to totally mess with their minds, right before they go on vacation, tell them that you will be doing a huge evaluation THE DAY that they return to work. It leaves a lasting impression. It's like what Dane Cook was talking about when he said that the best way to leave a lasting impression on the world is to find some small kid and their ice cream and go up to that kid an smash it. Look at him in the eyes and say "You will remember this forever." And that's about what happened. The Mega Beast smashed my Christmas ice cream and when I cried, she laughed and walked away, saying, "You will fucking remember this forever." My Christmas vacation became the good moments sprinkled on top of my waking and sleeping nightmare. I'd be laughing or giggling, smiling, playing, and then it would rush through my head like a premonition (mega beast) and I would lose a couple of beats. Try to continue what I am doing (mega beast) but any time there was a moment's pause (mega beast) and during commercials or long moments in the bathroom (mega beast). I don't know why she is such a tall demon to me now. The worst part is that she conjured some kind of sleeping curse where at night I wouldn't dream about the evaluation, I would dream about (mega beast) students. Sometimes the students were being (mega beast) bastards and I couldn't get them to respect my authoritae, and others, (mega beast) were about the students that I hate most, I mean the ones that I fucking loathe, were confessing their love to me and coming on to me. Considering that I was reading a James Patterson book about murder, I doubt that my dreams were coming from what I saw everyday, but regardless, that bitch is going down for doing this to me. Fine then. I guess I will just bring it. Much like Cartman, when he realized that Scott Tennerman must die, I know now what I must do. I must beat the beast at her own game. Plan devised. No one will get in my way. So it's definetley time to get a break from work. I get the call that Brokeback Mtn. is at the mall. Remember: I live in Oklahoma, getting this movie has been a battle of epic proportions. Before this conglomeration of whatever all of this is continues, I should say that I intentionally waited until this morning to talk about it. It's that hard to watch. And not akward hard. I think I'm gonna cry until I throw up hard. I don't want to try to describe it. If you want an accurate description of the movie, no one does it better than Angry Dissenter. So, if you want to know more, check it out here. Needless to say, I lost a friend because he decided to run away from me rather than tell me he was gay, and I cried for the loss of him last night as much as I cried for the movie. It was strange because for that moment in time I remembered what it was like to be the girlfriend of someone who loves you, but who isn't attracted to you. Lots of memories from the other side of that experience, I guess. I really can't talk about this film without crying. See it. You won't be dissapointed, unless you are THAT kind of Republican. And then, I wouldn't pay you to see it, because you'd just mess it up. Moving right along to the GRAND FINALE. Are you ready? In the middle of my day sometime after Ticket to Hell #7 and sometime before Brokeback, I stumbled upon a new competition. Remember my love for competition. Think Back. If I had my old blog I could link you back, but that still tastes like bitterness, so I'll move on. Apparently, there is some new kind of competition at work where all of the teachers put $10 into a pool and the person that loses the most amount of weight by March 10th gets that pool of money. Hmm. One teacher, bless her heart, put her money into the pot, "not because I think I will win, but to encourage the other teachers to take care of themselves." Wow. Needless to say, I have this thing in the bag. I'm young and they're old. They're fat but I'm fatter. Their body can't lose the weight, but I just had a wedding and so I know how to diet and there's nothing they can do about it! wuahahahaha! The money is so mine. You'll be calling me for money soon, I can feel it. I just can't help but think that asking teachers to do things for money is kind of like enticing the retarded kids by providing a laser light show, but I'm down for the ride...