Confessions
In the words of Usher, "These are my confessions."
I must confess,
I live most of my day thinking about what I will post to my blog. I'll see a strange sign and wonder if there are 50 words that would be worth combining enough to mention it.
I must confess,
I have been in the mood for Coldplay after a long anger break with the band. I don't know why, but when I used to get drunk in the bar, my favorite song to play was Scientist. If you have ever heard the song, you know it's not usually the bar anthem. It should also follow that my other favorite song was Black Betty by (should I pause long enough for you to recall?) Ram Jam. You know that it is pathetic when you used to take special pride in announcing your arrival to your favorite bar by playing that song on the juke and waiting for the bartenders seek you out. I knew it was time to quit going there when one night I was told, after deciding that I would just put on a t-shirt and shorts to wear out, that "it was weird seeing me in regular clothes." And what would regular clothes be, might I add? "Don't worry," she clarified. "You know what I mean. You are usually in bar slut clothes, but tonight you are in regular clothes." This coming from someone I had only seen in the bar, not someone that I had even known by name.
Let it also be told,
I bought a black statement band that says "revenge" on it from a store in DisneyLand. There's something dirty about getting a revenge bracelet from there. I know who it refers to. I also wonder how many people ever pay attention to what it says, because I have been wearing it since Christmas and only one person has done a double take.
I also hate to admit this,but
I did pick the outcome of the golden globes better than Angry Dissenter. Okay, yeah. This might be an open challenge. Maybe I have the strong need now to kick your ass at something, but I think I have skills. Mad skills.
It shall now be revealed that,
I still get insecure when my newest and bestest girlfriend doesn't call on a weekend. I am afraid she will eventually break up with me.
I should also mention,
Because of this friendship, for some reason, I now look for new board games that we can spend the evening drinking to.
This might have been mentioned before, but
Last summer my anxiety about flying turned into unadulterated fear. I usually cry and pray during one take off or descent into or out of a place. When flying alone, I have even stooped to holding a 10 year old's hand when I was scared. A 10 year old stranger too. Her dad was sitting in front of us and as tears streamed down my face I told her that we were holding hands because I didn't want her to be afraid anymore. It upsets me when someone doesn't tell me that they are flying because I like to watch the news for any possible plane crashes. It might be amusing, but there's always this part of me that isn't kidding and the part of me that grows more paranoid as each day passes by...
Okay, the real reason why I am confessing,
I spent roughly 90 minutes on a post last night that I posted for 30 minutes before I saved it as a draft. It's a really long and mostly just a wordy compliment to someone, well three someone's, but nevermind. It's a thank you for all of the work that this person did for me a week ago. Probably a thanks that isn't a big deal, but unfortunately, I still remember all of those times when I was dating someone and I confessed how important they were to me and then they looked at me like I broke all of the rules, ever had one of those? You know, you thought called him because you thought you were saying something sweet or genuine and instead, you find your name all of his friends' phones under the "psycho bitch, don't return calls" title? I think I might be too old now to make friends. It's really hard to say to someone, "You really rock." Nothing complicated, just, "I think you are cool." So after much contemplation, my paranoia and fear of being put on the "mentally unstable" list caused me to save it away. Sorry that my insecurities stood in the way of a post that was probably too long to be worth reading anyways...
Now I have to go before this one becomes too long...
I must confess,
I live most of my day thinking about what I will post to my blog. I'll see a strange sign and wonder if there are 50 words that would be worth combining enough to mention it.
I must confess,
I have been in the mood for Coldplay after a long anger break with the band. I don't know why, but when I used to get drunk in the bar, my favorite song to play was Scientist. If you have ever heard the song, you know it's not usually the bar anthem. It should also follow that my other favorite song was Black Betty by (should I pause long enough for you to recall?) Ram Jam. You know that it is pathetic when you used to take special pride in announcing your arrival to your favorite bar by playing that song on the juke and waiting for the bartenders seek you out. I knew it was time to quit going there when one night I was told, after deciding that I would just put on a t-shirt and shorts to wear out, that "it was weird seeing me in regular clothes." And what would regular clothes be, might I add? "Don't worry," she clarified. "You know what I mean. You are usually in bar slut clothes, but tonight you are in regular clothes." This coming from someone I had only seen in the bar, not someone that I had even known by name.
Let it also be told,
I bought a black statement band that says "revenge" on it from a store in DisneyLand. There's something dirty about getting a revenge bracelet from there. I know who it refers to. I also wonder how many people ever pay attention to what it says, because I have been wearing it since Christmas and only one person has done a double take.
I also hate to admit this,but
I did pick the outcome of the golden globes better than Angry Dissenter. Okay, yeah. This might be an open challenge. Maybe I have the strong need now to kick your ass at something, but I think I have skills. Mad skills.
It shall now be revealed that,
I still get insecure when my newest and bestest girlfriend doesn't call on a weekend. I am afraid she will eventually break up with me.
I should also mention,
Because of this friendship, for some reason, I now look for new board games that we can spend the evening drinking to.
This might have been mentioned before, but
Last summer my anxiety about flying turned into unadulterated fear. I usually cry and pray during one take off or descent into or out of a place. When flying alone, I have even stooped to holding a 10 year old's hand when I was scared. A 10 year old stranger too. Her dad was sitting in front of us and as tears streamed down my face I told her that we were holding hands because I didn't want her to be afraid anymore. It upsets me when someone doesn't tell me that they are flying because I like to watch the news for any possible plane crashes. It might be amusing, but there's always this part of me that isn't kidding and the part of me that grows more paranoid as each day passes by...
Okay, the real reason why I am confessing,
I spent roughly 90 minutes on a post last night that I posted for 30 minutes before I saved it as a draft. It's a really long and mostly just a wordy compliment to someone, well three someone's, but nevermind. It's a thank you for all of the work that this person did for me a week ago. Probably a thanks that isn't a big deal, but unfortunately, I still remember all of those times when I was dating someone and I confessed how important they were to me and then they looked at me like I broke all of the rules, ever had one of those? You know, you thought called him because you thought you were saying something sweet or genuine and instead, you find your name all of his friends' phones under the "psycho bitch, don't return calls" title? I think I might be too old now to make friends. It's really hard to say to someone, "You really rock." Nothing complicated, just, "I think you are cool." So after much contemplation, my paranoia and fear of being put on the "mentally unstable" list caused me to save it away. Sorry that my insecurities stood in the way of a post that was probably too long to be worth reading anyways...
Now I have to go before this one becomes too long...
posted by Unequivocal_Prowess at 5:10 PM
2 Comments:
Whereas I like the way this blog post read as a bill you're going to read before congress, and
Whereas my cat is sleeping through the State of the Union, and I'm wondering if that would really be a bad thing, and
Whereas you rock, both in general and in specific, and
Whereas next time we won't let you drink so much.
I was just wondering about the state of the union...why didn't we do toes tonight? The dog didn't stay awake for it either...
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