The biggest tease

I love how debate camp involves being in classrooms all day listening to lectures and researching. Anticipating this lack of excitement, I decided to stock up on different types of gum and candy to keep me busy during labs.

I got a flavor of orbitz that I hadn't had before called "cool mint." Which, I guess was pretty cool.

I packed some tictacs because I need a hard candy interlude sometimes.

I packed the usual, which is the orange orbitz gum.

And, then on a $0.92 spending spree, I decided to purchase some skittles gum. Skittles are one of my favorite candies, so I thought the gum would be exciting and new. It was both of those things. They are a little bigger than skittles and when you pop a few in your mouth, it definetely tastes EXACTLY like a skittle. But then your brain tries to do its natural reflex of swallowing.

Gasp. Cough. Eck. Forgot and choked down set #1 of the skittles gum. Two hours later, I am now consciously aware not to swallow the gum and I begin to chew again. I tell you, the urge to swallow them is crazy. But I work through it and keep chewing the hard candy shell away. That goes away and you are left with just the xanthum and red dye #1. Yick. I guess I'll just stick with the skittles next time.

Camp Day Four

Nothing much to report. As usual in life, things tend to have this way of falling together at the last minute. I thought that I had already taught myself the neat little trick of not prematurely getting stressed out, but it looks like I'll have to keep working on it.

This evening has me drained, and it is my "late night" where I get to stay up and wait for these little pieces of angel cake to go to bed. What a blessing. I will be lucky if I am to bed before 2:00 am.

It'll be fun, but if I'm lucky and before the night is through, I'll get to see some illegal activity and I can be the center of a drug bust or an underground porn ring, but mostly, I hope they all fall asleep quickly. We need Genderist to sprinkle some of her sleepy powder all over the kids, especially the ones who are laughing so hard right now the building is shaking.

So I'm driving the short bus

Coming to you from camp day two. Some really awesome developments have come to my attention that I was just dying to share. No sarcasm, really awesome developments:

1. The air conditioner works so well, I shook through the night. This may seem to have a hint of the s in it, but seriously, it's been so hot here that all of the AC is bomb.

2. The shower is like standing under a waterfall. Thousands of gallons of water wasted, but the free massage on my back is great.

3. We have free wireless! Whoo hoo! And it works!

4. We found a refrigerator in our room! Jyessssssss! All of my beverages are icy cold. Now, I can get some sandwhich meat and eat good food instead of the crap downstairs.

I knew some things about this place had to kick ass...

BUT, back to business. I had to go judge my first debate round this morning. It brought me comfort that I didn't hear anything except for the commonly bad debates that I normally hear. For some reason, I expected to see superstars that would intimidate me, and that wasn't the case.

I did have one girl who cried. I was looking for her because every year there's the girl who cries and who "just wants to go home!" and I found her. I let her snuggle in my bosom and then I went to go find the camp administration to get this little gem into my lab. The Mommie Lab, the novices, the newbies, the greehorns, if you will. And Big Brother said...NO. They said that they would create a novice lab (but wait isn't that supposed to be me?) inside of the advanced lab because those kids paid money for 3 weeks, not 2 1/2, so crying girl will have to tough it out with the big kids. Better news? I will have advanced kids in my lab who have no business being there who will have to stay in novice because that's what they paid to be in. Is there a "money has corrupted the fabric of our society" rant needed here, or is it just implied?

In the end, I am driving the short "you only paid to be here for 2 1/2 weeks and not 3" bus. And instead of having the cute kids with the slanty eyes and the special gifts, I have the norms, the normies, the grab bag special. I'll still love them, and I can't help but think my kids will still have a good time. My bus may be short, but we're re-naming it the party bus from here on...I get kids first on Wednesday, so I'll let you know how it goes.

P.S. It's great to be back!

The (edit) First (edit) day of debate camp

Nightmare happens this morning at 4:00 a.m. It is time to go to debate camp. (Edit arrival) (Edit leaving town) We are driving in circles to pick up pieces of our entourage. We haven't left town at 6:00 a.m.
Road trip is beautiful. I still love being awake when the sun rises, I just fucking refuse to do it voluntarily.
(Edit driving) (Edit Conversations)
Arrive in Austin sometime around 12:00 p.m. to get to registration. No breakfast, now we wait for what will soon be no lunch. We miss the 45 minute time frame for lunch while we are hauling load after load of shit to our dorm room, which happens to be on the 17th floor of a 27-flight tower. To which, not only are all of the other debate campers trying to haul 7 weeks of shit into their own tiny little crevices of hell, now also, we discover that golf camp, swimming camp, tennis camp and band camp will all be joining our platform. Sharing our 3 elevators, breathing our air conditioning, putting their own beautiful bodies in the pool-as if geeks needed their own 7 weeks of debate heaven to once again be accentuated by the very same atheletes that make them feel isolated and akward the rest of the year, now eating our same food, stealing our corners and watching us closely when we do, damn it, decide to go ahead and grab a second brownie from the desert cart. Fucking athletes. Bless them, but damn it, we've never shown up on a football field (throwback to you Kate!) and tried to start a fucking spelling bee or philosophical face-off on their turf. Arg. Random Swears. Doody. Booger. Mother Fucker. Pissy. I don't know. We are swimming literally and not-so-literally in pre-teen angst. (Edit feelings) (Edit the Meltdown) I at least know the debate kids are big enough assholes to defend themselves when the shit goes down, it's really those band kids that I feel sorry for.

And then there's the surprise benefits that accompany the trip:

The fact that those in charge are rarely around and,, if present are unwilling to alieviate the problem,

The fact that I've been here 6 1/2 hours now and still have little if no idea what the fuck I am doing here,

(Edit some surprises)

The fact that I am so surprised by some things here that I am not even at liberty to divulge them for fear that anyone would read this and have hurt feelings or hurtful thoughts or hurt, hurt, hurty mc-hurt-hurt,

The fact that we unexpectedly double for daycare,

The fact that the only other staff members I have been able to talk to are the ones I already knew,

The fact that parking will be $10.00/day despite the fact that I am staff, and subsequently being here 2 1/2 weeks puts me somewhere $200.00 in the hole, which kind of defeats the purpose-(surprise! you get to pay to be here to be paid...)

The fact that I have to post another pissy post, and

The grand mother of all surprises came this morning when I went to scratch my ear and the mother of all fires seared down my ear canal. You might as well have broken both of my legs and front teeth for what this pain was worth, and all of you know this sting because it's the blazing heat of having a pimple on the inside of your ear that you don't know about until you go sticking your finger in there. Killer.

The funniest part of this little rant is that I'm not really in all that bad of a mood about the situation, I kind of think it's funny. I can't wait to live in crazy town. Remember the set for the Surreal Life that had Amarosa and Janice Dickinson in it? Yeah, that's how I feel. Surreal Life Indeed.

Home Sick

I'm here in Dallas. I am ready to go home. We got here yesterday morning around 9:00 a.m. and went to Six Flags yesterday. There's so much I want to tell, but unfortunately, I don't know what to say or how to begin. I'm here surrounded by people and I am really lonely.

I miss my friend. My best good friend in the whole world. I just want to talk to you and tell you what is going on. I am tired of working and I'm really tired of all of the meals that you wait on someone else to cook. I'm tired of leaving tips. I'm ready to pull open the fridge and throw some ground turkey in a skillet and figure something out from there. I'm tired of sandpaper toilet paper. And beds that aren't my own.

Today has gone well and the trip has been good, but I can't believe that I will only be home one day before I haul off to Austin. I don't understand how my summer is going this fast! I hope everyone is doing well out there. I still am at the point of thinking about blogging and not quite knowing what to say. I guess I'll just say that I've been thinking alot for some reason about the people that I value in my life and how I forget to tell them how important they are to me. Cheesy, I know. Eh, I'll get some sleep and by tomorrow I will be able to report about whether or not my kids made it to some final rounds. We'll keep fingers crossed until then.

I miss you LaLa. So bad I could cry today.

Crisis

I just don't like the look of my blog anymore. I don't want black, and I am tired of trying to customize skins. Ick. As soon as I get home, I'll return to the default black until I figure something else out. I am happy to be going back to Oklahoma in two days. I am also 3 days away from our 2nd poker party and 5 days away from our Nationals trip to Dallas. Summer game on!

Not much else to report, still working on debate stuff and gambled away $30.00 today. Trying to take on the former mantra of Genderist and give up worrying as my pastime. So, here I sit.

Don't forget-Deadliest Catch Marathon is on Tuesday all day. Other than Ghost Hunters, Deadliest Catch is my favorite show.

I want to download some videos for my ipod while I'm gone for 4 weeks at camp. Any suggestions as to what t.v. shows I can download? I want a cool little quiz now to put in my sidebar so everyone can vote...Someone, you know who you are, needs to show me how to do that for my blog. I'll expect info from you on my way home from the airport.

And Still Too Busy

So okay. Thought I would come out to LA and be bored out of my mind. Definetely not the case. The surgery on Wednesday took much longer than I thought, and by the time I have bought groceries and just helped my mom out I've still barely had time to get debate work finished. Ick. I am just hating this summer and how busy and overwhelming it's been.

On a random note, I hate the suicide feel that my blog has to it. New background soon...

Later

This is why I haven't been blogging

I started working on another post an hour ago. It felt good to release some frustration yesterday. And? In typical fashion, laptop loses internet. This post lost. In its place a shell of a post. Fuck.

Bottom line: I have had so much going on lately that I feel like lashing out at everyone for not understanding how much I have to do. We decide to make time last night for friends. You've already read, I'm sure, how successful this venture has been for me lately. What happens? We end up sitting at a bar for 3 hours waiting for our friends to show up.

And then?

She shows up with her boyfriend and four other friends that she obviously had the time to submit the 3 hour "time change memo" to.

What I am I? Shit girl? The kid that smells like piss?

I've been working on a total of 11 hours of sleep over the course of 3 nights, with no hope of it getting better any time soon.

When I sleep my mind is filled with everything I haven't gotten done for Nationals or for summer camp or for either a) my new job next year or b) the new classes I was assigned at the old job for next year and even once or twice this week I have awakened thinking I was hearing ghosts (Yes, I guess the 12-hour Ghost Hunters Marathon on t.v. might have been a bad idea) but needless to say my mind is stuffed with information.

And here I sit. Not doing debate work. Hoping my life can get more complicated, and bitching, which does absolutely nothing to solve the problem in the first place.

I say again, this is why I haven't been blogging.

Elephant

There's definitely an elephant in the room.

I don't have anywhere to vent, so it's going to happen here.

This post isn't going to get cheerier.

I'm sick of a whole lot of little things.

More specifically, I'm sick of a whole bunch of my friends.

I accept that I'm a moody person.

I accept that I bitch about people more than once in the course of a friendship with someone.

Do you know what I don't do?

Lie.

Do you know what else I don't do?

I don't exclude.

I give everyone about 47 chances before I get sick of them to the point where I can't stand them.

By all rights, despite my passive/aggressive behavior, I give people 2nd chances.

One of the shitty people I am dealing with right now, I invite along to social events, galas, if you will, just so that person doesn't sit alone. No one really wants her there, but I invite her because I can't image what her life would be just having to live without anyone to care for her. Doing that doesn't make me a saint. I don't like her and I talk shit about her all the time, I'm just saying that it has to get pretty bad before I actually just can't handle someone.

I have never refused to be in the presence of a group because of one person.

I don't have stipulations on what I do or don't want to do in order to "have a good time" I mostly go with the flow.

So why is it, that there seems to be no one out there willing to return the favor? Why is it that I go down my inventory of friends and they are lying, avoiding, manipulating, pouting, or just plain ignoring me right now? Please, whatever you do, don't dignify this post with any comments. None of us know each other well enough to speculate on why my life is shitty, but needless to say the bottom line is this:

I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm flexible, easy going and if I am bitching or pissed it's usually because I'm pissed at someone else, and never usually the people who I consider friends. If I do get angry, I get over it.

I don't expect to be the princess of any event, I don't expect to be the center of everyone's world, although I am a sucker for attention. So why is it that I am sitting alone with my feelings hurt right now?

Why does it seem like the moment that I was married that all of the sudden my friendships have taken on the awkward position that dating once filled?

Why do we have to "plan events" rather than hanging out?

Why do we lie about what we are doing?

Why are we pulling this middle school bullshit of possession, of who hangs out with whom?

Since when did your partner not liking me all of the sudden mean that you don't like me?

Do you think I didn't notice you bitching about me in my own living room?

And worse than all of this, why did EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS choose neurosis during the exact same month?

Did the break up fairy get confused and sprinkle her chaos all over the friendships this month instead of all of the high school teenagers who should be breaking up to have a summer fling right now?

What the fuck man, what the fuck.

Oh, and thanks for stopping by, I enjoyed it, really.